


Griffin's Pee Wee Baby Corner

by sinnohanvulpix



Category: Griffin's Amiibo Corner, iCarly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23076187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnohanvulpix/pseuds/sinnohanvulpix
Summary: The iCarly trio learns that Carly's ex-boyfriend, Griffin, has just started his own SplashFace channel called "Griffin's Pee Wee Baby Corner", where he gives an in-depth review of his Pee Wee Baby plush toys. And of course, just like Griffin's Amiibo Corner, it is filled with enthusiasm, intriguing facts, and all-around outstanding quality (*cough* sarcasm *cough*).
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Griffin's Pee Wee Baby Corner

It was just your run-of-the-mill Tuesday in Carly’s apartment. As Carly was getting a bottle of Peppy Cola from the fridge, Freddie was editing a video for iCarly on Carly’s Pear computer. Meanwhile, Sam was on the couch, chuckling away at a video she was watching on her Pearphone.

“Hey Carls, you gotta see this!” Sam said.

“See what?” Carly asked while approaching Sam.

“This video on SplashFace that Griffin just posted,” Sam replied.

“My ex-boyfriend, Griffin?” Carly asked. “I didn’t know he had a SplashFace channel.”

Freddie grinned while continuing to look at the computer screen. “Let me guess. It’s about Pee Wee Babies?”

“Freddie,” Carly said in a slightly irritated tone. “Just because Griffin likes Pee Wee babies, doesn’t mean…”

“Yeah, it’s about Pee Wee Babies,” Sam interrupted.

“Oh…” Carly muttered in disappointment.

“No, it’s good,” Sam remarked, then let out another chuckle. “Well, good as in laughably suckish.”

“Suckish how?” Carly asked.

“Here, I’ll show ya,” Sam responded, before tapping on her Pearphone and pausing the video. She then scrolled it back to the beginning, only to be met with a black screen with a rotating half circle in the middle. The video continued buffering for the next five seconds, causing Sam to groan. “Why won’t this stupid video load?”

After waiting a few more seconds, Sam gave up and lifted herself off the couch. “Eh, I’ll try your computer.” She then began approaching the computer while fixing her gaze on Freddie. “Hey, Fredhead. Almost done there?”

“Uh, one sec,” Freddie replied. “I just got one more…”

Before Freddie could finish his sentence, Sam snuck up behind him, shoved him off the chair, then stole it from him. You know, typical Sam behavior.

Once Freddie lifted himself back onto his feet, he spread out his arms and glared at the blonde-haired girl. “Why did you ask if you were just going to push me off anyway?” he exclaimed.

“To make you let your guard down, why else?” Sam replied as Freddie let out a sigh.

Once Sam pulled up SplashFace on Carly’s computer, she began typing in, “Griffin’s Pee Wee Baby Corner”. After Sam pressed the “enter” key, Carly stared intently at the first thumbnail on the list of videos. This thumbnail showed an image of a penguin plush with a scarf and earmuffs, who she immediately remembered as “Peter the Penguin”. Thinking back to how affectionate Griffin was to this penguin made her shiver a bit. Something told her that this video was going to be really cringey…

Once Sam clicked on the video, the screen showed a low-resolution recording of Griffin sitting on his bed, though only the lower half of his face could be seen. The music in the background may have been bouncy and lighthearted, but the expression on Griffin’s face was extremely blank. As he was speaking, he held his microphone right up against lips, talked in a super fast and monotone voice while looking to his left instead of at the camera.

“Three, two, one…” Griffin mumbled. “Hello and welcome to Griffin’s Pee Wee Baby Corner, I’m Griffin…” He paused his monotone introduction to adjust the camera so that it showed his entire face. He then held up the penguin plush that was shown in the thumbnail for the audience to see. “And _this_ is a Pee Wee Baby, a delightful creation from Ky that blends both toy and friend alike.” He then took a deep, loud breath before continuing to speak. “If plugged into the right hearts, Pee Wee Babies unlock new joys, delights, and pleasures. Today’s video _will_ focus on this sweet boy who is Peter Penguin.” Following the intro, Griffin suddenly gazed upward like the camera had stopped rolling.

“Oh my God…” Carly muttered, baffled at how bad Griffin was at speaking in front of a camera.

“His editor makes _Freddie_ look good,” Sam commented as Freddie stared at her while frowning.

When the video cut to the next segment, Griffin was seen holding Peter in front of his face on the right half of the screen.

“Peter Penguin’s first name, Peter, is derived from the Greek word, Petros, meaning ‘stone’ and ‘rock’,” Griffin stated as a stock image of a rock appeared on the left half of the screen. Below the image was as a line of text that read, “Peter = Petros = Rock”. “You wouldn’t expect a creature named Rock to be cuddly and fluffy, but hey, that just goes to show that Ky can make anything cute and cuddly,” Griffin continued with very little enthusiasm. “Kudos to Ky.”

Although Carly did feel a bit bad for finding the very poor quality of this video funny, her stifled laughter was still loud enough for Sam and Freddie to hear.

The image beside Griffin changed once again, this time to a photo of a real-life penguin, along with a line of text that read, “Arctic Bird”.

“Meanwhile, Peter’s last name, Penguin,” Griffin said, “Is derived from the English word, Penguin, a unique and popular species of flightless birds from the _freezing_ continent of Antarctica,” A map of the continent then popped up on the screen above text that read in all caps, “FREEZING!”. “As adorable as penguins may be, I am afraid that because I am a member of the much less cold-tolerant human species, living there would undoubtedly lead to my doom.” The line of text then changed from “FREEZING!” to “UNINHABITABLE!” “No hard feelings, penguins, but I would _not_ like to move to Antarctica, thank you very much.”

At this point, a part of Carly started to believe that the poor quality of the video was intentional. Everything from his lips literally touching the microphone to his robot-like voice all just made it seem like it was done for laughs. “Are we supposed to take this seriously…?” she questioned sheepishly.

“I don’t know, but this is gold,” Freddie commented while grinning.

“No chiz,” Sam added.

“Peter Penguin’s birthday is on the 19th of the freezing month of December,” Griffin stated as a cartoony birthday cake appeared beside him on the screen. “Which, if you ask me, is extremely fitting for an Antarctician animal. Again, kudos to Ky for their phenomenal attention to detail. He also, like every other Pee Wee Baby, has his own poem, which goes as follows…”

After clearing his throat, Griffin held a piece of paper up in front of his face, then started reading it aloud. “‘Peter the Penguin loves to dress warm. He loves scarves of all forms. Maybe make a scarf for him one day. He’ll love one made of fabric, paper or even clay.’”

Carly grimaced slightly as she listened to this poem. She may have enjoyed reading these poems when _she_ collected Pee Wee Babies as a young child, but that was far in the past for her.

“This is one of the many things I love about Peter Penguin,” Griffin commented. “As he is a penguin who is incredibly flexible when it comes to which scarves you offer to have him try on. In real life, if you offered a penguin any form of clothing, they would probably not accept it, and in fact, they would probably run away thinking you wanna eat them. I know this thanks to an experience that my best friend, Kato, once had.” The image beside Griffin then changed to that of a stock photo of a random little boy above a line of text that read, “Kato”. “When he was six years old and visiting the zoo for the first time, he ran up to a penguin behind a glass wall. Even though the penguin was completely protected, he still waddled away in fear, which sadly shows how untrusting penguins can be when faced with innocent child humans who simply want a hug.” The image then changed to that of a nervous-looking, cartoon penguin with the text below reading, “Cowards”. “Fortunately, Peter Penguin is an exception, as he is always happy to get a hug from me, as am I.”

Carly grimaced even more as she saw Griffin hold Peter against his cheek and smile.

“Yeeaah, he’s a real bad boy,” Sam remarked.

The video then cut to a close-up shot of Peter as Griffin held it above his bed and rotated it. “Now for my in-depth review of the plush himself,” Griffin announced. “The plush looks very good. I love the extra detail that Ky went out of their way to add, like scarf and earmuffs.” As Griffin said “scarf” and “earmuffs” he pointed to those respective clothing items just to be extra sure that his audience noticed them. He then rotated Peter to show the tag beside his tail and zoomed in on it. “I also love this cool, extra detail on the tag of this Pee Wee Baby that tells you it was made out of ‘new material only’, those being ‘polyester fibres and glass pellets’.”

As Sam and Freddie chuckled away, Carly continued trying to hold in her laughter. She didn’t know how much longer she could resist.

“Fun fact, Peter Penguin actually comes with two different scarves, which not a lot of people know. The first is Square Scarf,” Griffin said as he pointed to the scarf again. “Which has a red and white checker pattern. The other is Circle Scarf, which is a blue scarf with white polka dots.” He then held the second scarf up in front of the camera, but it was so close to the lens that the pattern was too blurry to be seen.

Following this in-depth review, the video cut back to Griffin sitting in front of the camera. “It is now time for the much anticipated, yet my most dreaded segment of my Pee Wee Baby review,” he stated before looking at Peter with a concerned-looking frown. “I hope you can forgive me, fluffy rock.”

Griffin then carelessly dropped his mic onto the floor, making an echoed thud sound loud enough to make the iCarly trio jump. He then took a deep breath before slowly opening his mouth and holding Peter up in front of it.

“What, what is he…?” Carly muttered, puzzled by what was going on. She then noticed as Griffin slowly guided Peter closer and closer to his mouth while opening his mouth wide enough for his head to fit into it. Once she realized what was going on, her eyes widened in shock. “W-Wha…?”

“Is he about to put the doll in his mouth?” Freddie asked, grimacing in disgust.

“What is this chiz?” Sam asked.

The iCarly trio could all see Griffin’s hand trembling as he prepared to put Peter into his mouth. Eventually though, he let out a sigh and put Peter down. “I just can’t do it…” he muttered before reaching down to get his microphone, then holding it back up against his lips. “As you just saw, I was about to put this sweet, innocent bird into my mouth, but thankfully, I changed my mind before it was too late. Some of you may be confused as to why I attempted to commit this horrible deed to begin with.”

“ _Some_ of us…?” Sam muttered.

“For those who don’t know,” Griffin said. “It is a standard tradition for Pee Wee Baby reviewers to put their Pee Wee Babies inside of them to test their mouth ability, which if you ask me, is an unforgivable crime against these sweet animals.” As he spoke, a photo of a person’s mouth popped up beside him above text that read, “Pee Wee Baby Cruelty”. “They are valuable, delicate beings who should never be exposed to any bacteria, let alone slobber straight from the gob.”

“Is that dude serious?” Freddie asked.

“Well… back when we were dating, he did have a bunch of special wipes to keep them all clean,” Carly replied. “So, I’m not… that surprised…”

“I’m mostly just stunned that there are enough of these nubby reviewers that a tradition like that exists,” Sam commented.

Meanwhile, a sad song began playing in the background as Griffin frowned again. “I sincerely apologize to Peter for nearly succumbing to this peer pressure,” he said. “I was blinded by my selfish desire to win subscribers over competitors like Melissa’s Pee Wee Baby Zone, or The Pee Wee Babes. Because I now realize that I will never win their subscribers in an ethical manner, I have decided that Griffin’s Pee Wee Baby Corner shall be canceled.”

Following that abrupt declaration, Griffin once again dropped his microphone onto the ground. He then speed-walked out the door as the sad song continued playing. A moment after he left, however, the music suddenly changed back to the bouncy and lighthearted song that had been playing throughout the rest of the video. A line of text then popped up that read, “Thanks for watching”, before the video came to an end.

The iCarly trio all stared at the screen in silence, perplexed by what they had just watched. Eventually, Carly broke the silence. “Well, that was something,” she commented.


End file.
